BABY STEPS….

Back at the desk with my back pack on my back
Lyric pad in my black bag wit a plan
Not to give a dam for the cash
But the life that I never had get it back
Try to be a better man, if I can
If I cant then I'm fucked I’ll be back
In the back of the van wit my arm at the back
And my legs in the straps that’s a fact
If I crack any pacts on the contract in my hand
They will say I'm mad…..
They will say I’m ill if I don’t take 2 pills wit every meal
That will make me feel like a in a film,
Where I rise with the dead then I get killed
No cure, bullet to the head just to get healed.
They will say I’ve lost it if I don’t talk with the doctor
2 time in a week locked up
Back in a cell real quick cos I'm sick
That should mean an ambulance not the back of a cop car
for real….
I’m running thru the 6 with myself, and jokez
A relapse wit my mental health is close
Like an overdose but with an under dose
Where you survive and they pump drugs out your throat
And you choke to life instead of choke to death
But you still hold your breath cos its not over yet
low self esteem with no self respect
out in the world to face what the world projects
by yourself on your own taking baby steps
across the board in this game of chess
Im just a pawn with no king to check
So I jump on a horse take a step and left
Or right
Get it, so I left alright,
I remember the last time I was read my rights
I was at the desk looked the fed dead in his eyes
And said you should have shot me dead on site
Ya get me right

I'm confused that I'm leaving not sure I believe it
Said goodbye to my freedom, so its hard to foresee it
When the screws at the desk wished me the best
But said they’ve made bets on how quick I breach it……..
I’m confused that I’m breathing not sure if I’m dreaming
Did I rise up from sleeping? Or am I still deep in
Cos I can’t feel my legs, my whole body feels numb
And my mind cannot stop what its conjuring up

Sitting in a bus stop waiting for the next bus
Black bag and my ruck sack with a vest on
A beautiful lady walked right up to me and
She’s like hey there handsome when is the next one
I try think of some compliments
but I realize I’ve lost all my confidence
I stared at her she stared back
And here is all I responded with
The problem is I'm sedated
I don’t really know what to say and I hate it
But babe its not you I swear down I promise
I'm just being honest and she walked away quick
An fuck no nah I don’t blame the chick
I woulda probably done the same as this
In her shoes it must have seemed a little dangerous
I stayed true but she didn’t view the change with in.


When I wake up will my day be done?
Never straightforward it’s a wavy one
I’ve got options now its time to weigh them up
I had time now its time just to make it up
Ive been down so low I’ve got stay above
Me, myself & jokez, put my faith in us
I’ve tried so hard, I’ve never gave it up
I Gotta drop them bars then raise it up
I gotta stay in charge and I don’t mean in cuffs
Gotta break these chains that are holding us
Gonna make a change, I'm gonna write for days
I’ll put the pen to the page and give my life away
I'm gonna tell em of the person that they Tried to break
And let the sun shine bright over my parade
And come back with a bang like a live grenade

When they told me that I'm unfit to work
I looked at my life, couple times, and I feared the worst
I looked up like I didn’t even hear the words
And said fuck what you think I'm gonna make it work
I'm gonna serve my purpose, gonna make it worth it
Cos I'm so determined that I’ll reach the surface
And I’ll breath and I’ll be the person
That I'm supposed to be before I leave this earth
In a burning furnace and I'm nervous
Cos it might not be so certain, but I've learned
from mistakes now I see the journey
And I'm thirsty but everything I see is blurry
These pills got me weak and I aint feeling sturdy
But I'm on my feet ready for frozen turkey
By myself in a room until these pills desert me
So I can get back the little boy that they killed at 13